Facing Dawn In the morning light Blinded by it's brightness Woken from mindless dreams Whispered hauntings senseless nightmares The daunting task of another day awaits She strains to remain in limbo that soft and gentle place where past, present and future mesh She grasps at reeds in an endless pond Keeping her from surfacing She wishes to remain in another place Another time When there was no need to stand alone She feels no need to wake again Days lie shattered Collecting dust in the corner of a lonely room Maybe sunlight will beckon her and be gently received morning echoes what lies ahead Facing dawn Unprepared August 28th, 2015
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Find Emma Fillipoff
Searching for Emma Fillipoff - missing from Victoria, B.C. Canada since November 28, 2012. Please share our posts, join us on facebook and share our website www.helpfindemmafillipoff.com
end of May
May 31, 2015
May has been such a difficult month - Mothers Day, my birthday, the 2 ½ year anniversary of Emma’s disappearance. I must say that I am relieved that it’s over. Emma would always have called on both those days to tell me she loved me and that she wished she could be there. We would then put the phone on speaker so she could “join” the celebrations. I am lost without all my children. Even though she was thousands of miles away, I knew where she was, I knew she would be in touch regularly. I only ever wanted my children to be safe, healthy and happy - I can’t imagine Emma is any of those.
May 28, 2015, 2 1/2 year mark
To my dear, sweet Emma,
Hard to know where to begin. I guess with I love you with all that I am. Missing you, wanting to hold you, hear you laugh, just be around the magic that is you leaves a hole in my heart, in my life. No matter where I go, what I do, there is always something to remind me of you, an aura of things gone terribly wrong.
Our family is not complete, it is an unfinished circle that slowly allows memories to trickle from it into an empty space - the space you once filled. You are a part of us just as we are a part of you. We will never be the same. No sunset will ever look the same, nor will the first snowfall or the early fallen leaves. I must redefine life without you and I do not want to. We WILL find each other.
May 22, 2015
So many things run through my mind every minute of every day. Emma’s life essence courses through my veins so I can feel her being withing my own. So many fears haunt me. There will never be a moment’s peace until my beautiful, amazing daughter is found. She is everywhere I look and yet nowhere to be found.
May 19, 2015
The moment I wake I wonder where Emma is waking up and at night, as I fall asleep, I wonder if she has a safe place to lay her head. These are just two of the thoughts that keep me awke at night…wondering, worrying, feeling sick about this situation. People tell me all the time how well I’m doing and I guess, considering the circumstances, I am, but I have slipped into a quiet, subdued kind of madness. I can’t have a “normal” day. I don’t laugh like I use to. Smiling is a struggle. Going out in public unnerves me. My heart goes out to all the families living a similar nightmare. Every single day you hope that it will be THE day and I wonder how many more days one can hope but I believe I can hope forever. I know I must otherwise there is nothing but an empty space. Hope and perseverance keep Emma alive in my heart.
Written for Emma, April 28, 2015
The sun rises
above the mountain tops
under an Andalusian sky
The long lonely night
watching stars fall into the sea
has come to an end for one more day
Believing in tomorrow
Never truly forgetting yesterday
Forever following my dreams
I float above the land
as unique as the clouds
as sure as my soul reflects the glow
I know where I am
I know I am lost
In distant places I ache to be found
But my need to be free
will never let me be
I have walked barren land
where no feet have tread before me
my heart beats beneath each step I take
across the silent sand
wind passing through my fingertips
reminding me of my existence here
alone and lost
Sunday, May 16, 2015
A psychological trick I’ve been working on - going to bed early after a day of no news and rising early the next in the hope that this will be the day I find Emma. Nights have become the hardest, days, a little easier, hopeful. Monday is my birthday. Emma always made it a special day. Actually, she made every day special. She started each new day as if she were seeing the world for the first time. I miss you Emma, the pain is far deeper than words can express.
May 15, 2015
First time ever gardening, not sure if Emma would be proud, shocked or just laugh and say “I can’t believe it Mom!” My hatred of gardening was always a family joke - I would rather vacuum or do the dishes lol and Emma used to watch her dad and wonder who wouldn’t enjoy being that close to nature, being one with it! Well, it looks lovely and it’s all for you Emma, my beautiful Emma.
So…this blog is new to me so bear with me as I figure out how best to use it. I will give it some thought and start blogging soon.